Today I learned a few big lessons, but not without a good pity party first.
Yep, I flebbed up, pouted, drove around town on a less-than-inspiring house hunt, broke down, had a nice good cry, got a few things off my chest and uncovered a few emotions I had no idea I was even experiencing. It was one of the best and worst days I have had in a while. It was wonderful.
I've been creating distractions for myself which I know have also been creating some unnecessary stress in our house. In an effort to avoid sitting around, slack-jawed and bored, waiting for this baby to arrive I have tried to fill my days with something...anything. Most of the time productivity is a great thing. I am all for getting off your bum and being an active participant in your life. Today has shown me that there is a big difference between proactivity and a time filler. In trying to prevent discontent I actually created some of it and that was a big eye-opener.
This interim between pre and post baby life has brought to the surface a lot of my own fears and anxieties. I feel as though I have been through so many crazy highs and lows already and I know the journey has only just begun. But that's exciting isn't it? I've already grown leaps and bounds through this experience and we're still in the first inning or... has the game even started yet? - Maybe this is pre-game pep rally or the drive to the field. I don't know- I've never been very good at sports analogies, but you get what I'm saying...
With these ups and downs and emotional round and rounds I am so grateful to be sharing this journey with such an amazing partner. Looking forward I hope to allow a little bit more quiet into my heart and not to fear where I am.
I have a speaking suspicion that parenthood is going to kick my ass, but that it is also going to be the most rewarding and awe-inspiring thing I have ever done. It already is.