Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Oh, Today


Today has been one of the most exciting/ most upsetting days I have had in quite awhile. 

Good news first...

Today we found a beautiful place to live. A heated indoor pool and playground, track, fitness center as well an on-site convenient store and art gallery all for less than what we are currently paying now. Big yay! It will be an amazing environment to raise our child and I genuinely feel as though our quality of life will be improved with this move. We will be warm in the winter and cool in the summer without the financial burden. We will now be less than two blocks away from a great little park. Ezra's room will almost double in size and we will be able to take advantage of one of the most beautiful views of our city that is out there. It is all so incredibly exciting and I can't wait to start living in this gorgeous new space! That's the good news. 

Now the less than good...

Today was also Ezra's two month well baby check up. He has been so incredibly healthy and happy these last few weeks that I was completely unconcerned walking into this appointment. Lots of cooing and adorableness with a few comments on what a big boy he is was about all I was prepared for. And while those comments did come along with some pretty darn adorable cooing we were also given some concerning news. Apparently Ezra's soft spot is much harder than it should be meaning that it has grown together earlier than it should. This on its own could be nothing. His brain could still develop completely normally and the early fusion of his skull could have no lasting affect on him. It could also be something called craniosyntosis. Yeah, it's as scary as it sounds. Worst case scenario we could have to see a neurologist and he would need corrective surgery. Our pediatrician recommended that we drive 45 minutes to Children's Mercy and get an x-ray on his skull to check out what's going on in that noggin'. 

In the wake of this news I kept my composure asking all of the necessary questions,  trying to get a better picture of the situation. I felt clear and in control. I was the picture of rational.. And then the doctor left and I lost. my. shit. Hysterically crying and replaying the words neurologist and surgery in my head over and over again. 
Now after having some time to step back and evaluate the situation I have decided not to get upset until I know there is something to get upset about. Ezra could be completely fine. We will be going to get his x-rays on Friday and should have the results early next week. He is my beautiful, healthy boy and we will do whatever it takes to keep him that way. If that means surgery so be it. There is no reason to jump to conclusions and google yourself into hysteria. (Although I'm definitely tempted.) We won't know anything until next week, so I am deciding to focus all of my energy on loving this amazing little boy in front of me.

Today was a such a rollercoaster. With all these highs and lows I'm so ready to just crash out in our bed and watch my beautiful boy dream.


No comments: