Thursday, January 19, 2012


So today is my birthday and honestly, it's been a pretty rough week around here. Ezra has decided to boycott sleep and this mama is very, very tired. Unfortunately we've got lame lack of sleep timing as I'm working more than usual at the museum this week. Even with my heavier work load it is still no where near full time and I am so incredibly fortunate that I get to spend as much time at home with the family as I do. I have to keep reminding myself of that and all the other wonderful things in my life as being sleep deprived has made me a pouty mess.

 This week = grumpy, poo pants face

So as I type this, delirious from sleeplessness, I am trying to think back on this past year. So much has happened that's it's almost too much to think about all at once! This time last year I was out with my best peeps celebrating my b-day with a night out on the town. I was just to the point in my pregnancy where I was clearly "showing" and "glowing", that happy stage after the nausea and before the feelings of being a GIANTESS. I remember feeling so loved and being so ridiculously excited for the upcoming year. I mean, I was going to have a baby for goodness sakes! What? 

It might have only been a year ago, but that night feels like a distant memory.

This has definitely been a year of extremes. My 25th year on the planet I discovered the greatest love that I could ever imagine, but I also faced some pretty dark times as well. Motherhood has been much more of a rollercoaster than I was fantasizing about those many months ago. I didn't know my heart could grow so much. I didn't know sleep was optional. I didn't know how much fun I would have. I definitely didn't know how much time I would spend trying to recreate the womb. Ha!

Real love takes challenges though, doesn't it? If everything was easy we wouldn't know how much we were willing to fight. We wouldn't know how deep those bonds really were. I now know that my husband is actually the most selfless person alive and that we can pretty much rock any situation! I know that I have a silly, awesome baby that is willing to be very vocal about his needs (like his mama) therefore I never have to worry about him being a doormat! I know that we are in fact a badass family that loves one another to the ends of the Earth!

Looking forward, I am excited for this upcoming year in a way that I have never felt before. I am excited to see all of the amazing changes that I know are coming with Ezra! I can't believe that he will (barring any issues) be walking and talking this time next year! Ah, little baby words with his adorable little baby voice! I can't wait! I am also so excited to continue to grow as parents (and partners) with Kellen. I hope to be gentler with our love in this upcoming year and hopefully repay some of the emotional debt I have racked up over the past several months.

So yeah, it's been a kind of rough week. But who cares? I mean, really? Those are inevitable. But even through the exhaustion I can feel all the amazing love around me and am thrilled for the next 365!




Danielle said...

Happy birthday, dear heart!! I hope this year is the most beautiful one yet!

Mama Smith said...

Hope you had a wonderful and sleep filled birthday!

Christiana said...

Love to you strong mama!

Tara said...

Thank you, guys!