Distractions

Today I learned a few big lessons, but not without a good pity party first.

Yep, I flebbed up, pouted, drove around town on a less-than-inspiring house hunt, broke down, had a nice good cry, got a few things off my chest and uncovered a few emotions I had no idea I was even experiencing. It was one of the best and worst days I have had in a while. It was wonderful.

I've been creating distractions for myself which I know have also been creating some unnecessary stress in our house. In an effort to avoid sitting around, slack-jawed and bored, waiting for this baby to arrive I have tried to fill my days with something...anything. Most of the time productivity is a great thing. I am all for getting off your bum and being an active participant in your life. Today has shown me that there is a big difference between proactivity and a time filler. In trying to prevent discontent I actually created some of it and that was a big eye-opener.

This interim between pre and post baby life has brought to the surface a lot of my own fears and anxieties. I feel as though I have been through so many crazy highs and lows already and I know the journey has only just begun. But that's exciting isn't it? I've already grown leaps and bounds through this experience and we're still in the first inning or... has the game even started yet? - Maybe this is pre-game pep rally or the drive to the field. I don't know- I've never been very good at sports analogies, but you get what I'm saying... 

 With these ups and downs and emotional round and rounds I am so grateful to be sharing this journey with such an amazing partner. Looking forward I hope to allow a little bit more quiet into my heart and not to fear where I am. 

I have a speaking suspicion that parenthood is going to kick my ass, but that it is also going to be the most rewarding and awe-inspiring thing I have ever done. It already is.

Namaste!
Tara

Due Date-Schmu Date

Today is my estimated due date...

...the day I have had running through my head for months, the day that I have repeated to every curious stranger, and the day with which I have desperately tried not to get attached. With the average pregnancy lasting anywhere between 37 and 42 weeks and only 5% of babies being born on their due dates, I have known from the beginning of this pregnancy that "June 23rd" meant very little.

Even with all that in mind today still feels like a milestone.

I made it! Hooray! I'm 40 weeks pregnant, healthy, and happy. With a big ol' grin on my face I've been enjoying waddling around the neighborhood and bouncing on my birth ball in our living room. I'm one silly happy, round lady and loving it!

Right now my only job is to surrender and let things take their course. A pretty good gig, no? Sure there's been some restlessness here and there, but I've found that like most situations in life you are only as bored as you let yourself be. Yay proactivity- the answer to most problems!

This pregnancy has had its fair share of emotional highs and lows, but as I enter the final stretch I am feeling nothing but excitement. I know that this part of the journey is coming to an end and I am grateful for every moment.

Namaste!
Tara

On The Verge

With everything in place the waiting game for the little one's arrival has begun and instead of pacing the halls and driving myself crazy (which I totally understand the impulse to do) I am trying to embrace the end of this incredibly amazing journey. This past week I have been able to get out and walk often, enjoying our lovely little neighborhood and basking in the perfect cool, but sun-soaked weather with the family. In the evenings I have been making an effort to meditate often and soak up the last of this time and the quiet. Even a few simple moments of belly stroking and mindful breathing give me so much joy lately. In the calm of those moments I feel completely peaceful, neither straining towards the unknown future or backpedaling into a past that is long gone. I am here and it is perfect.

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."
- Buddha

We are on the verge of a change and I think everyone in the house (yes, maybe even the kitties) can feel it. What a few weeks ago was somewhat frantic has eased into long, slow days of tv marathons (ranging from the extremely good to the extremely bad), family strolls, and generally just enjoying our life exactly as it is now. There is no need to rush. We are here and it is perfect.

"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure."
- Oprah Winfrey

Oh, Buddha and Oprah- oh so quotable, but also oh so very, very true.   

Wishing you all a beautiful week! Namaste.


Tara

Moving With The Tide

Hey kids! My apologies for the radio silence. It seems the third trimester 'lazies' have kicked in and all I want to do is lay in bed and watch Dr. Who. But c'mon, I mean, who doesn't? Hehe.

With only weeks left until the little one's arrival I have been in 'slow and steady mode', preparing our home as well as trying to prepare emotionally for the kiddo's grand entrance. Making a bebe is quite a bit of work so it seems and everything else is my life has begun to move at a different pace, a 'mama crawl' if you will.

Moving with the tide, things on the blog front will most likely begin to slow down as well. This mama has got to go with that nestin' and restin' instinct, but no need to fear! I will continue to post as it feels good and keep you guys up to date on all the baby news.

I love, love, love this little blog to pieces and keeping it up has been such a rewarding experience. So expect more fun things from my tiny corner of the internet, just maybe a tad slower than you're used to.

Now bring on the Dr. Who!



Namaste!
Tara

Tunes: Sigur Ros

In making my birth playlist I have been revisiting a lot of music that I haven't listened to in some time. It has been quite the trip down memory lane to look back and sift through the songs that have been the soundtrack to the last several years of my life. In making this playlist I wanted to make sure that every song was hand-chosen, calming, and had personal meaning. Music has the ability to transport me to a very specific place and time, so I wanted to be assured that I would be recalling sweet and loving memories when listening. 

Obviously I'm not sure what emotional state I will be in during labor or if I'll even want music. Some women during the laboring process find music incredibly helpful, giving their mind something to focus on, easing the tension and pain while some only find it a distraction. So my plan is that when the time comes I want to give myself a some good listening options if I so desire. Call it a present to my future self.

Many of the songs that made the final cut hold strong personal significance (our first date/ Valentine's Day mixtapes/ what we were listening to the weekend we eloped) and as it turns out a lot of Sigur Ros is in the mix. I have used quite a bit of their music in my yoga classes since I began teaching as well as my personal practice. During my teacher training program I listened to Ágætis byrjun almost every night and am instantly taken back to the excitedness of that time upon hearing it. Those songs bring to me a place of anticipation and peace, a place that I hope to be as we introduce our little one to the world.

Namaste! 
Tara

Weekend Goodness

This weekend was absolutely magical. Our baby shower went beautifully (full story and photos to come), a lovely vegetarian bbq on Sunday and waking up this morning to find an amazingly thoughtful gift sent across the country on my doorstep. I feel so incredibly fortunate and loved. Thank you everyone that helped make these last few days so special.

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." 
~J.F.K.

Namaste.
Tara

Mini Vaca

I had such an absolutely amazing weekend with the hubby! We celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary with a little mini-vacation filled with second hand shopping, park strolling, eye gazing, and cute baby adoration. It was perfect! Although the sun really took it out of me and so much walking was a little bit more difficult than I had imagined, I really think we made the most of our little get-away in celebration of our marriage. We successfully enjoyed this last hoorah to our pre-baby selves.

So much gratitude.

Namaste!
Tara

Let Dreams Within You Dwell

We've all been there, 3 AM after tossing and turning, your mind unable to calm down and let the day fade away, replaying past events and conversations on repeat, finding the the glaring light of the clock adding to vicious cycle of restlessness.

Sleep is important, I mean crazy important, in cultivating emotional and physical balance. Often times we don't notice its gravity until we're without. Insomnia and sleep problems can reek havoc on our lives, making us more susceptible to illness and mental instability.

I have suffered intermittently throughout my life from sleep issues that have returned with my pregnancy.  I know how much bigger the problem can become than a bad night's sleep. In my case my lack of sleep coincided with bouts of depression, anger, and a weakened physical state. Thankfully this time when insomnia began rearing it's ugly head I had so much more information to help me handle the problem before it became one.

After years of anguish, many sleepless nights, and a compromised immune system, I have found several natural ways to help drift off to peaceful and substantial rest. These methods are pretty simple and straightforward, but have worked wonders for me. Everyone's bodies are different and it might take some experimenting to find what works for you, but so very worthwhile. Only when we are fully rested can we begin to approach clarity and build our strength.

Lifestyle Basics
Get to bed as early as is comfortable (10 PM is a great time for most people)
Exercise regularly (about 4 hours before sleep is ideal, but not directly before bed)
Meditate or enjoy light reading 15-30 minutes before bed
Only go to bed when you feel drowsy
Remove strong external stimuli an hour before bed (turn down lights, turn off the tv)
Establish a sleep routine (and stick with it as much as possible)

Diet
Eat a large breakfast, medium-sized lunch, a small dinner (avoid heavy meals prior to bed)
Increase your intake of Vitamin B rich foods (bananas, potatoes, avocados, legumes, kefir)
Increase your intake of Magnesium rich foods (seeds, dark leafy greens, wheat bran)
Drink a cup of hot tea before bed (chamomile*, marjoram, lemon balm, passionflower)
Limit your intake on chocolates, colas or foods containing caffeine prior to bedtime
Drinks lots of water throughout the day

Supplements
Calcium
Magnesium
Valerian (30-45 minutes prior to bedtime)
Melatonin (do not take long term, but can be very effective if used sporadically)**

Additional Sleep Aids

Use relaxation techniques in bed (visualization, progressive muscle relaxation)
Aromatherapy (lavender, chamomile, ylang ylang)
A warm bath prior to bed (not too long or too hot)
Eye masks to block the light
Avoid illuminated bedroom clocks
Don't sleep in (if you can help it)
Play calming music or soothing sounds

*Avoid chamomile if you have a ragweed allergy
** Melatonin is contraindicated during pregnancy

Sometimes a calming tune is all you need to hit the hay. Here are a few of my favorite "lull you to sleep" tracks.

Essie Jain-Understand

Jose Gonzales-Fold

Sigur Ros- Agaetis Byrjun

Radical Face- Asleep On A Train

 

Yann Tiersen- Le Moulin

Wishing you all lots of rest!

Namaste.
Tara

Hibernation

This winter of hibernation has taught me many things. One is how meditative time alone and indoors can be. It might seem pretty obvious, but I somewhat dreaded the idea of working part-time away from my physically and emotionally high-stress job. Sure, initially I loved the idea of not going in to work everyday, being carefree with nowhere to go and nothing to worry about except my health and nurturing this burgeoning life inside of me. I loved my job, but it was definitely not compatible with pregnancy and I was excited to have the time to focus on this new, life altering endeavor. It would be like a perpetual sick day without the sick part! I could read all the books I wanted. I could commit to a daily yoga practice of whatever design and length I desired. I could meditate and craft more. I could spend more time with my husband. The list of possibilities seemed endless and my morning (ha! more like, all day) sickness didn't leave me with much of a choice. In spite of my nausea and exhaustion, I was truly thrilled to be fortunate enough to take some time away from the grind of full time work.

silly face @ 10 weeks pregnant

Once I had committed though I was scared. The fear of feeling useless, bored/boring, dull, lonely, etc... overwhelmed me. Would I become that insipid woman who can only talk about crib sheet patterns and diapering choices? Would I lose my sense of self in this pregnancy and never find me again? Was I okay with being financially dependent on another (albeit that person is my amazing partner in all that I do)? What would I fill my days with?

Once the constant nausea began to fade, these worries grew stronger. Late nights with friends, although their intentions were so kind, were no longer appealing to me. The smoke filled rooms that were a staple of my young adulthood had no allure anymore. I was typically in bed by 10 PM and after some reading and Conan, out like a light. I was struggling, still trying to define myself with terms that had become obsolete.

Pregnancy is an odd thing. With your first child it's almost as if your on a boat in between two shores. On one side you have the mothers and on the other you have non-mothers. You are no longer in either camp. You exist in between, rowing from one side to another, trying to learn new ways to define yourself and your life.

After a lot of struggle I finally recognized that I am no longer that girl and that is okay. It doesn't mean that I am boring or useless. It simply means that I am something new. I am now the girl who wakes up somewhat early without an alarm to enjoy an awesome morning bath/reading ritual and enjoy how amazing even the winter sunlight can be shining through my window. I am the girl who practices her midmorning prenatal yoga in her baby's room and meditates on the wonders and worries of parenting. I am the girl that still loves music and gets so inspired from discovering a new artist or song. I am the girl who cultivates her crafting and spends her evenings crocheting a kick-ass hat or stitch witchering everything in the house. Now in addition to the political, feminist, music, and pop culture blogs you can include a few mothering sites in the blog roll. Instead of wine, I have my nightly tea. In lieu of enjoying our weekends at the pub, winding down from the week, we enjoy them cuddling up close in bed, taking in a movie we've been waiting to see. I am still the same, but undeniably different.

@ 20 weeks pregnant

I have tried my darndest to acknowledge my fears and move past them. I am making the most of this time. I know that I am crazy lucky to have it. I can happily say that I have read more in the last several months than I ever before. My yoga practice is evolving and changing right along with my body, giving me strength and clarity that helps guide me through each day. My meditation practice is growing, helping me to build a newer, stronger foundation of self that I will need in these upcoming months and years.

 

with Ellie, our beloved poodle

This hibernation has allowed me the time and the freedom to examine myself and my anxieties and to transform them into something productive. I now know that I will never be who I don't want to be. I define the terms. I will be a mother and I will be myself. I will grow and change from this experience in ways I probably can't even imagine right now and these experiences will only add to what comprises me, not remove any part. I will be forced to be emotionally flexible and evolve the way I look at myself and the world... and I just can't wait.

Namaste.
Tara